The Truth About Your Core Values and How Some Could Be Limiting You

Defining your core values is the first step to getting unstuck in life. Refining them is the second.

Do you know what your core values are?

Yeah, but do you really know what your core values are?

Have you gone through a process to clarify them? Or have you, like many people, defaulted to society’s “shoulds”- all that stuff about material possessions, success, money, and so on?

(Don’t get me wrong I love all of those things and they can totally be your top core values too!)

But do you say, “I need to do this.” Or “I should be doing this?” Then find you have no energy to do it…

It’s easy to think you value what you think you “should” value. But what do you really value?

What are the things that are most important to you? The things that make you say, “I can’t wait to do this!” Or “This is gonna be epic.” And your body buzzes with energy!

“The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. A prison for your mind.” - MORPHEUS (The Matrix)

Back in 2022, I felt super stuck. I was driven by a need to do something BIG to shake things up but equally, I liked the security I had in my stuck life and wondered if I could unstick myself without the uncertainty of doing the BIG thing.

What I didn’t realise at the time was that these conflicting choices were each aligning with a different core value.

Doing something BIG aligned with my value of adventure, which would give me my value of growth.

Staying in my stuck life aligned with my value of comfort, which would give me my value of security.

So to figure it out and make a choice I travelled on both timelines in my imagination… 

I saw myself following through on each choice allowing my subconscious mind to show me how each one panned out. I tuned into the emotions that came up for me, and which choice brought more energy to my body.

I discovered that growth was much more exciting than security especially as security was attached (in my case) to being inside my safe comfort zone, and the thought of that sucked all the energy out of me!

Subsequently, I gave up my home, a third of my income, and two-thirds of my belongings and travelled around Europe! And it was the best decision I could have made. 

But that’s another story…

First of all, I think it’s important to draw a distinction between core values and beliefs…

What core values are (and why they matter)

Your core values are the foundation for who you are, what you value, and how you behave.

Google defines core values as a principle or belief that a person or organization views as being of central importance.

They are all of these things:

• Your moral compass that dictates what is right and wrong
• Your life philosophy that influences your worldview
• Your motivation behind your behaviours and goals
• Your priorities for the things you value most in life
• Your identity traits that define who you are

They are your “non-negotiables”.

Your core values are a filter through which you pass all your decisions.

Your core values are the driving force behind your “why”.

Your core values guide your destiny!

*pauses for impact

But sometimes your core values can be limiting you… And when you know what they are you can change them…

*pauses for more impact

So by gaining clarity on your personal core values, you can make better choices, set meaningful goals, shift limiting core values, and live a more purposeful life. 

There’s a lot to unpack there, which we’ll get to, but first, we should probably clear up any confusion between beliefs and core values (cos I don’t mind telling you I’ve been confused about the difference!).

Let’s get clear on the difference between core values and beliefs

Welcome to your subconscious mind!

This is the place where your beliefs and core values live and where they define your identity - who you think, feel, and believe you are! Here’s what beliefs and core values are, and you’ll see the similarities and differences:

Our beliefs:

• Are our convictions about the world that we hold to be true
• Shape our perception of ourselves (and our worth), others, and the world 
• Influence our thoughts, motivations, decisions, actions, and behaviours
• Are fluid as we gain new insights and perspectives
• Shape our identity

Our core values:

• Are the things we hold to be most important
• Define who we are and what we stand for
• Govern the way we behave, communicate and interact with others
• Are stable and solid foundational principles
• Shape our identity

Core values are who we are, while beliefs are what we think. And what we think influences who we are.

So as you can see they are quite intertwined yet they are different. Our beliefs underpin our core values, and that’s why individual definitions of core values can also differ.

To illustrate this let’s use my example of deciding whether to for growth or stick with security:

The value: Growth (The “What")

The belief behind the value: Stepping outside your comfort zone leads to growth (The "How")

Growth as one of my core values motivates me to constantly improve. And my belief that stepping outside my comfort zone is the "how" I achieve that growth. But my other value of security was keeping me inside my comfort zone. 

But more on that limiting values later. Let’s elicit some of your core values first!

One of the many ways to elicit your core values

Yikes I went down a rabbit hole researching ways to elicit core values. 

Turns out there are so many methods with different levels of complexity. My head was spinning. 

Rabbit holes are not on my list of core values that’s for sure.

“A value is a way of being or believing that we hold most important. Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practice them. We walk our talk - we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviors align with those beliefs.” - BRENÉ BROWN (Author, Researcher, and Speaker)

So I’m going to keep it real simple! 

Think of this as a ‘Value Finder Starter Kit’. 

We are all different and we give different meanings to different values and we have different beliefs propping up or holding down our values too, so really there is no one-size-fits-all. 

Start here. If this doesn’t satisfy you follow the rabbit…

First, check out this List of Values from Brené Brown for inspiration.

Eliciting your core values  

And now ask yourself the following questions and jot value words down (it’s OK if the same words keep popping up):

1. What’s important to you? [eg. helping people]

2. What do you love? [eg. teaching]

3. What gives you joy? [eg. making people laugh]

4. What are your non-negotiables? [eg. Financial freedom]

5. What would you be miserable without? [eg. connection]

Then look at your list, pick a word and ask what THAT does for me? 

For example, financial freedom would free up time to write books

Then ask what would THAT give me?

For example, writing books would give fulfilment 

And keep repeating that question until you can’t go any further. And repeat the process for each of the words you answered in the questions above.

IMPORTANT: Go with your first and fastest answer. That’ll be your subconscious mind before your conscious mind comes along and ruins the party with all it’s overthinking and analysing!

There are no right or wrong answers, and no right or wrong values

Getting your core values in order

Now you have a list of words and we want to get it down to a Top 5 and establish the hierarchy. 

One way to do this is to keep asking yourself, “If I can only have one thing from this list which is it.” 

And keep going through the list like that.

Now sometimes core values simply don’t align with your goals, just as they did for me when I was choosing my path back in 2022. That’s when you realise you have “limiting values.”

*What the...!!!?

Uncovering Limiting values

When you look at your goals do your values support the vision you have for your life? 

For example, security could be a value for you as it was for me back in 2022, and it had been stopping me taking a risk even though my goals include living in a beautiful home by the sea and being financially free through helping people.

“Am I actually living like the type of person I claim to be?” - JAMES CLEAR (Author of Atomic Habits)

Or are there some values missing that you need in order to achieve your goals?

For example if your goal is to find love but your values don’t include intimacy or connection. Or your goal is to live in luxury but your values don’t include money or wealth?

Your core values need to be aligned with your goals

So you have a choice:

(this is a kind of ‘red pill’ or ‘red pill’ moment because either way your life is going to change whichever one you pick*)

1. You install a value that aligns with your vision into your core value Top 5

2. You change your vision to align with your existing core value Top 5

Totally up to you!

You get to choose.

Here’s how to shift a limiting value:

•  Reframing limiting core values: You can use reframes. For example, if "security" is holding you back from taking risks, reframe it as "calculated risk-taking leads to long-term security.” This means recognising that while stepping out of their comfort zone might feel risky initially, it can ultimately lead to greater stability and fulfilment in the long run.
•  Work with a coach to change your core values at a subconscious level: A coach trained in subconscious rewiring can, with your permission, change your core values so they serve your vision and your goals. This can be done through hypnosis or using Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP)

*FULL DISCLOSURE: Changing your values changes your identity, and will therefore change how you show up in the world. I know from working with clients on identity change that the fear of loss of 'self' is a big thing. There is nothing to fear. Think of it as taking you closer to your true self - you will still feel like you! In fact you will feel more like YOU than ever.

Get in touch to find out more! [email protected]

Main Takeaways

• Core values are fundamental beliefs that guide your actions and decisions
• Understanding core values helps you make conscious choices and set meaningful goals
• Some core values might be limiting your personal growth
• Identifying, reframing, or rewiring limiting values can unlock new possibilities
• Aligning core values with your goals is crucial for your personal fulfilment

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_{^{Photo by Millo Lin on Unsplash}}